Whatcha textin bout Willis?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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