I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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