Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
