she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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