Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize