i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
