Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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