he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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