Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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