i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
