Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
