dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
