I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
