I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
