I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
