grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
