you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
