I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
