you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
