Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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