when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
