I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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