the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
