M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
