wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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