a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
