i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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