I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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