All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
