I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize