Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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