No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
