I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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