True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
