you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
