Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
