We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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