So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
