We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
