Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
