where am i from again
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
