I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
