its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
