I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
