If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
