Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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