The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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