Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
