I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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