she woke up with a sticky ear
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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