Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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