And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
