Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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