I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
