Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
