he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
