Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
