I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
