You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Will exercising make me less horny?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
