On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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