Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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