After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
