I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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