It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
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Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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