can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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