You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
