allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
