my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
