Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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