why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
third nipple confirmed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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