I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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