dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
