That's when you crack a 10am beer
where does the pee come out of this thing
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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